4.5 months -milestones

The boy can play! He has a 'crispy' bear - a toy with some crinkly stuff inside it and he chokes the life out of it, bats it, punches it, bites it.

He can roll - came in the other day to find him on his tummy under his gym, a little bit stuck, but proud. Speaking of the 'gym' - a frame with hanging toys on it under which he lies - he has taken to using the toys to pull himself up, rather than lying placidly and batting them as intended.

He now has a play station- he stands in the centre of this tray full of diverse fixed toys and plays away, rotating himself in order to attend to them all. When we put him in first a week ago he hated it and didn't know what to do, now he is all over it.

He smiles and smiles, smiles so hard his nose crinkles up.

He gets up at 5 or 5:30 and I go in full of ill-humour and then I get one of those smiles and I think, 'hey, you're right, it's great to be up! 5:00 is the best time in the world and we have lots to do!' Of course by 7:00 and his first nap of the day I have returned to exhaustion, but it's amazing what a few more minutes of sleep, shower and espresso can do.

Breasfeeding**: For a blissful while the little boy was down to 8 minutes of feeding every 4 or 5 hours. Now he's kicked it back to every 3 or 4 hours and I find myself resenting that loss of freedom. In addition to this, he has decided he is no longer going to take a bottle. So my evening escapes to bookclubs etcetera are much harder. I have to wait til I have fed him at 7/7:30 before I can leave, as poor Martin has one night with a screaming hungry baby who would not take the bottle.

(**N.B. the spellcheck does not seem to like this term, too boldfaced and intimate an act to be named, and sugggests instead 'Presbyterian'!!!)

I remind myself that this exclusive breastfeeding business will only last another 1.5 months. I remind myself that in a way I am paid to breastfeed. I remind myself that I like nursing him, and that I will miss this when he is older. I remind myself that I am lucky that he/I can breastfeed, and that it is pretty amazing that this boy is growing bonny and perfect on my nourishment alone. But still, it will be interesting once he starts to eat solids and Martin's role as Household Nutritionist commences.

Sleep: not his forte.. He goes down around 8, and if we're lucky wakes up at 1:30 for a feed. If we're not lucky he wakes at 10:30 for a quick soother replacement, but as is now in his crib in the room next door, I am wide awake by the end of this 2 second procedure. Then he sleeps til 5:00, often with another 1 or even 2 soother replacements in between. Then he dozes and/or plays till 5:30 when I concede defeat and take him into the bed for another feed.

I have read LOTS about sleep, and we still don't know how we should proceed. Crying it out seems cruel for such a tiny spud, and I think we are doing all the other things right (bath, cuddle, feed, all in a quiet calm low-energy atmosphere, fan in room, etc) but he has trouble putting himself back to sleep without the pacifier. When he goes down for his first big sleep and then the second post-feed installment, I, with increasing skill, slip his soother out just before he goes to sleep to try to diminish the association of going to sleep' and soother, but not sure how will this is working. He is totally addicted to it- take it out too early and the sweetly slumbering, heavy limbed little spud immediately shoots his legs straight into the air and starts to flail with his arms.

The soother is incredibly calming for him, but it is definitely a double-edged sword. At least it's not my nipple that he's addicted to! I have friends whose children still nurse every 2 hours at age 2.. Then again, my neighbour's kid has been sleeping 12 freaking hours in a row since 3 months. Jealousy is never an attractive emotion.