12 weeks today

Time is flying, I haven't had a chance to write in ages.. My life has been more social, lots of walks and visits, mostly with mothers of other babies, and lately, trying to get Jack to nap properly.. It is a real effort to get him to nap. Today he went down for half an hour, woke up clearly tired, and it took me another half hour to calm him and get him back into the basinette.. craziness. Now I am typing with a Vigilant Ear, listening for any noise from him.

The first month of his life was very.. hmm, what was I going to say -the above was written 8 days ago, and I have clearly lost the thread of my thoughts.. I think the Vigilant Ear must have picked up the wakening boy..

anyhow, I think maybe what I was going to say is he's wonderfully smiley now, very rewarding indeed.. and also has much more clear sleep/awake patterns which makes life a bit easier to plan, although a bit restrictive as well.

I am surrounded by babies and pregnant friends, all very exciting and still brings a tear to my eye every time I see a new baby or belly- funny that I never had that much emotion about myself, or maybe I did and it was just spread over the 10 month long period! Although I definitely still get little waves of emotion about the lovely Jack. Life is so full of difficulties, and pregnancy of worries, and now parenthood has its own anxieties, but I do feel very lucky, so far, touch wood. I had a long conversation today with a close friend about fucked up childhoods/adolescence and the way that our parents influence us. It is important to be a good, consistent, present parent, but I guess it's also important that we as adults forgive our parents for what went wrong.. complicated..

anyhow, best sign off for now as I hear Ominous Noises..